I was always told I was bad at art. Whenever the paint and PVA were brought out, I would protest against everyone else’s favourite lesson of the day by sitting on the carpet and reading a book. Where my English teachers would praise me as a model student, art teachers would regularly punish me for being difficult. As I got older, however, it became apparent that I might have a condition called aphantasia – described as a “weak mind’s eye” and characterised by a thinking process more suited to words than images.

Art wasn’t the only thing I struggled with either. Group activities would induce a special mix of anxiety and frustration, as would being told to deviate from my pre-planned routine. It was only while speaking to a pal recently that I considered that these are textbook experiences of neurodivergence, and listening to other members of the community made me realise for the first time that there might be more to my story than just being difficult and slightly weird. When podcaster Blindboy, recently diagnosed with autism at a listener’s suggestion, spoke of turning down a Glastonbury booking in order to walk through the Irish city of Limerick in the rain, I got it. I would be tempted to do the same, and would probably have had to push myself out of my comfort zone to conform to socially-proscribed notions of ‘fun’.

And it’s not just me. Neurodiversity diagnoses have exploded over the last few decades, with one study finding an increase of 787 per cent in Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) between 1998 and 2021. A large part of this is likely due to the proliferation of neurodivergence in popular discourse, with countless content creators sharing their experiences prompting people like myself to consider identifying with the term more closely. So, if you’re one of these people and suspect you might be neurodivergent, here are some practical steps you can take. 

FIND PEOPLE YOU CAN TALK TO

“It’s so important to remember that the way you experience the world and what others can see are two different things,” says Snoof Kattekop, who provides neurodiversity training on behalf of The Brain Charity. “It will help to have people around you who can explain these experiences from the inside, rather than relying on materials composed by someone who can only attest to the way traits are externalised.”

It’s easy to grow up thinking there’s something wrong with you, but when you see traits you share in others, you can recognise that those people are wonderful – sometimes because of the traits in question

This is especially important when navigating a nebulous sense of being ‘inferior’ because of your difference. “Many of us find out why we experience the world the way we do because we can talk to others with shared experiences and find common ground,” Kattekop continues. “It’s also easy to grow up thinking there’s something wrong with you, but when you see traits you share in others, you can recognise that those people are wonderful – sometimes because of the traits in question.”

An additional benefit of seeking out like-minded people is that they have likely been in your position at one point, and are more than qualified to offer advice and guidance on your journey. “It’s been fairly easy to talk about in scenarios with other neurodivergent people and close friends,” says Yusef*, who was diagnosed with autism at age 30. “But it’s still quite a challenge to explain fully to people who don’t have a full grasp of what being autistic is like.”

CONSIDER WHETHER YOU’D LIKE TO PURSUE A DIAGNOSIS

If you suspect you could be neurodiverse, seeking out a diagnosis isn’t essential. But getting diagnosed  does pose some key advantages. First and foremost, through getting a diagnosis, you may be entitled to support or extra consideration during tests or job applications (your healthcare provider will be best positioned to signpost these benefits at point of service). Plus, a diagnosis can also help you understand yourself better and provide the language to vocalise your internal experience and why you might feel different.

“Without a diagnosis I would probably be full of self-recrimination about my struggles, and I would tend to look negatively on any traits considered undesirable by wider society,” says Kattekop, who has been diagnosed with autism, dyscalculia, and ADHD. “Really, for me personally, being diagnosed allowed me to see myself the way I see other neurodivergent people – as an individual with strengths and challenges, just like neurotypical people.”

This chimes with Sanaya, who was diagnosed with autism at 21. “[Being diagnosed has] made me certain in myself that aspects of me aren’t because I’m strange, but rather because I’m neurodiverse. It’s helped me accept myself and also find a community online and tips for coping,” she says.

Kattekop does caution, however, that the diagnosis process may be emotionally taxing and that “you’ll be asked to consider the things you struggle with – but no-one asks you what you’re actually good at.” This can potentially be traumatic and frustrating, which brings us onto our next point.

BE AWARE OF THE SYSTEM’S SHORTCOMINGS

“Being neurodivergent can feel isolating, but being both Black and neurodivergent, navigating intersectionality and silenced by stigma, is even harder,” says Ndidi-Amaka Moemeke, who founded the Black ND Neurodiverse charity after a negative experience with the mental health system. “Diagnostic criteria is based on white men, meaning although these behaviours may look different in BIPOC [Black, Indigenous or People of Colour] individuals,” Moemeke continues. “This allows space for social bias – for example, Black children are more likely to be punished for the exact same ADHD symptoms that would lead to support for white children.”

With such systemic underdiagnosis of people of colour also comes a lack of awareness in these communities, meaning that people of colour are under greater pressure to mask their neurodivergence in public. While groups such as Black ND Neurodiverse are working to address them, it’s important to be aware of the current biases within the healthcare system, and prepare yourself accordingly.

Try not to give up or get disheartened by all the doors that they try to close

“I’d say first you have to put your foot down,” Moemeke advises. “Do research on the conditions you think you have and don’t let them take more than two weeks to follow up, contact them first if you haven’t heard back. I’d also say to them to try not to give up or get disheartened by all the doors that they try to close. You are worthy of help and it’s your legal right to get it but you have to believe that.”

TRY TO LOVE YOURSELF

Amid all this talk of “struggling” and “masking”, it’s easy to forget the fact that the ultimate goal of all this is to help you. So, if it all gets too much, attend your local stim club, walk Limerick in the rain, or do whatever you’ve learnt feels good to you after all these years of coping on your own.

As much as neurodivergence awareness has rapidly increased, Kattekop reminds us that it “is still in its infancy, [therefore] my most important piece of advice is to be kind to yourself and go easy. You can’t hate yourself into being someone other than yourself.”

For me personally, hearing about the experiences of neurodivergent people has started to help unlearn the toxic binaries of ‘good and bad’ and ‘weird and normal’ that I internalised during childhood. Gaining a deeper understanding of myself has also been deeply rewarding: recently, to the great amusement of both of my parents, I’ve fallen in love with painting. I began to realise that I wasn’t just “bad” at art – I just had a different way of getting there and, while I’m still uncertain whether I want to pursue a formal diagnosis, this vindication for the frustrated child inside of me feels like a good first step.

*Name has been changed