As her long-awaited memoir Down The Drain is released in the UK, the OG muse gives us a lesson in how to be fearless
Open any page of Julia Fox’s new memoir, Down The Drain, and you will feel some kind of visceral reaction. Piss, shit, semen and maggots. Heroin-laced needles and discarded chunks of dead flesh. Many of the events unfold in the tobacco-soaked backrooms of a New York dominatrix basement, in dealer’s bedrooms, and under the glaring fluorescent lights of a psychiatric institution. But of course, as it’s a book about Fox, a beautiful woman who has always been in the orbit of celebrity, this grit is also interspersed with moments of extreme glamour; of private jets, lavish meals, and cosy nights playing Uno with world-famous rappers. Despite her 33 years, she is a woman who has lived a thousand lives – facing a death (at one point literally) and a rebirth on almost every page.
The book is – as Fox said herself at an Oscars afterparty last year – a kind of masterpiece, particularly because it manages to unlock the mystery of her appeal. It’s not a universal appeal, but it is one that elicits a gut reaction in most people: the ones who love her really love her, the ones who don’t can’t stand her. This is probably down to her audacity: in a world dominated by PR-polished, platitude-spouting celebrities, she is brazen: she turns up to interviews stoned, lives in a chaotic mouse-ridden apartment, and walks the streets in the most outlandish outfits imaginable. She took a starring role in Uncut Gems with barely any acting experience. She’s published soul-baring photography books, started a podcast, and written what is now a New York Times-bestselling memoir (and yeah, she wrote it herself). As the book reveals, Fox is also one of a few women in the public eye who have dared to face the more extreme, uglier sides of life – whether it’s addiction, death, or narcissistic men – and come out the other side stronger, looking slick and unbreakable.
“I know who the fuck I am and nothing is going to shake that,” she says, when we meet at London’s Ham Yard Hotel the week after the book’s release. She looks serene, wearing a head-to-toe white suit and running her hand along a teapot of English breakfast tea. “Anyone can say anything to me and I can brush it right off because I know who I am. And I know that I’m always right.” Below, she tells us more about Down The Drain, as well as her feelings on death, fame, destiny and motherhood.
Whenever your name is mentioned in the office, someone will always quietly murmur ‘mother’. Why are you mother?
Julia Fox: [Laughs] I don’t know. It’s funny, because my friends call me father. They’re like, ‘if only people knew you were a dad’.
So spiritually, you’re actually father.
Julia Fox: I might be, yeah. I think it’s because I was raised by my dad, so I just have a very fatherly approach. I just take care of shit, I fix things – not that moms don’t. But I just take on both roles.
Your friendships with women are really central to Down The Drain, and they’re definitely painted as the most important and passionate relationships of your life.
Julia Fox: With a lot of my friendships with women it kind of felt like we were each other’s survival jackets. It’s like we were drifting off into the ocean and just clinging onto each other for dear life. It felt very co-dependent and maybe not the healthiest, but also the most accepting and beautiful, and we really just saw each other’s souls, imperfections and flaws. It was perfect, in a way. And it’s something I’ve never really had with men, because men always viewed me as a commodity; the moment I wasn’t really serving them anymore I was just discarded. I was just a badge they could carry, ‘look at this thing I looted’. Whereas with women, it felt way more life or death.
Why do you think women are so drawn to you?
Julia Fox: I don’t know, but I’m so glad they are. I feel like my fanbase is 90 per cent women and ten per cent gays, and that’s the best. Actually maybe a higher percentage of gays, and maybe like two straight guys across the whole globe. But I love that. I remember during the Uncut Gems days when I looked at my follower count on Instagram, and it was 85 per cent male. I was like, ‘oh my god I’m doing something wrong! This isn’t good!’ And now it’s the other way around, 85 per cent women, 15 per cent male. This feels right. I don’t want to be a pick-me, I don’t want to be the hot girl, I don’t want to be posting for the male gaze. I post for the male gays! And the girls!
“With a lot of my friendships with women, we really just saw each other’s souls, imperfections and flaws... It’s something I’ve never really had with men, because men always viewed me as a commodity; the moment I wasn’t really serving them anymore I was just discarded” – Julia Fox
There’s a part of the book where your teacher reads a personal essay you wrote out to the class, and you say that it made you vow ‘to keep everything inside and never show your vulnerability with anyone ever again’. Do you still feel that?
Julia Fox: No. I feel like I show my vulnerability all the time now, but I didn’t have the tools back then that I do now. I also didn’t have the strongest sense of self, but now I know who the fuck I am and nothing is going to shake that. So anyone can say anything to me and I can brush it right off because I know who I am and I know that I’m always right. I might get misunderstood – if people think I’m wrong it’s because they misunderstood me, but I know my heart is always in the right place.
Do you think you have a strong intuition?
Julia Fox: I have a very strong intuition. I used to think I was psychic.
You could be.
Julia Fox: I’m not though. I’m just on the spectrum so I have really good pattern recognition skills, so I can identify patterns really well because I can see how things have played out in the past. I can make an educated guess on what will happen, based on what has happened.
But you knew something was going to happen to you, you always knew you would be famous or known in some way.
Julia Fox: I did know. In every environment I was ever in – even if I wasn’t doing anything – people would get really fixated on me, whether negatively or positively. It was always happening, my presence was always a presence and I wasn’t even trying; people would just know who I was or talk about me and I never really understood why. But I think some people just have that ‘it’ thing you can’t really define.
What do you think fame does to people?
Julia Fox: It’s very isolating. And when you’re famous you’re not allowed to complain about being famous. Although I do think that a lot of people who are famous really set out to be famous, whereas for me I just really wanted money and to survive. I didn’t really want to be famous but it just kept happening. But then again I did also put myself out there, and I was inviting it. So I don’t know. But it’s definitely a weird thing that happens to you and then you’re responsible for it. There is an expectation – if you make one mistake you can be crucified.
I feel like people are getting a bit tired of celebrities right now.
Julia Fox: Well there’s such a wealth disparity right now, it’s fucked up. In a way I hope this whole thing does implode. I’m always going to be on the side of the people who don’t have as much because that’s what I can relate to. I know what that feels like. I’m with the people! So if they have to go, so be it! We’ll be just fine without them.
There are also men in this book, but they are so terrible. Why are these men so terrible?
Julia Fox: I know. I’m not here to make excuses for them, but men aren’t just born terrible. Society makes them terrible. The patriarchy is bad for women, but it’s also very bad for men too. So I empathise a lot more with men – even though I have no tolerance for them, I understand that the way they are isn’t all their fault. They were born into a system that creates them. And obviously they benefit a lot from it, more than we do, but I think it can be very lonely. They don’t know how to regulate their emotions because they were never taught to acknowledge their emotions, they don’t know how to process their emotions. They’re all big babies now because they’re all so stunted.
“There’s such a wealth disparity right now, it’s fucked up... I’m always going to be on the side of the people who don’t have as much because that’s what I can relate to. I know what that feels like”
You have a son – how do you reconcile these feelings with bringing him up?
Julia Fox: I know and that’s why we always talk about emotions! If he’s throwing a tantrum I really try and get to the root of it, so he’s not just going to throw a tantrum and then it be over in five minutes and not assess it, because that’s what children do. They throw a tantrum and then when they’re done they want you to be over it too, then they get mad when you’re not.
I really wanted a girl at first, but now that I have a boy I just want more boys. They’re just so innocent. You really start to empathise with men and what they go through. I didn’t ever really think about them that way until I had a son. I just hope the world doesn’t fuck him up too. We need to create more men who can lead by example, and show other men how to be better.
How is motherhood?
Julia Fox: It’s so scary, but it’s also the fucking best. I love it.
How do you think it has changed you?
Julia Fox: Well I always tell people that having a baby is like running a comb through your life, and anything that’s not serving you, anything that is parasitic, gets eliminated. You just go back to basics, back to the fundamentals. It’s also very, very hard. You can’t do it all on your own, you have to ask for help, or you’ll be a bad mother because you’ll be so tired you’ll be losing your fucking mind. You’ve got to make time for yourself and make sure your whole identity is not just being a mother, otherwise you’ll become resentful. So it’s all about finding a balance. Obviously me leaving the baby now is so hard, but you know what? It’s fucking life, he’ll get over it. I mean I miss him so much now, I’m trying to FaceTime him and he’s not even interested.
There’s a lot of rage in the book, a lot of vengeance. Do you still have that in you?
Julia Fox: Not as much, no. It doesn’t serve me, I want to just focus on the things that do. I do miss aspects of my old life but I would never go back there. I know that this is better.
You’ve had a few close brushes with death, including one experience when you actually nearly passed on into what you describe as the afterlife. You’ve also experienced a lot of loss and grief. How has this affected your approach to life today?
Julia Fox: Now I know how fragile and delicate life is, I definitely cling to it much more. Maybe a couple of years ago I would have jumped off a cliff with a parachute, but I would never do that now. Mostly because I’m a mom, but it’s also because my friends have died and I don’t want their deaths to be in vain. I want to honour and respect them. But I feel like, after seeing my glimpse of the other side, I now know there is somewhere that we go. I do believe that my friends are still out there, but it’s just their essence, or their electricity still somewhere.
Do you believe in destiny?
Julia Fox: I do. I weirdly believe that we’re born with life already mapped out for us. I think that there are different versions of what your life could be, but you have to show up and you have to be fearless to get to the higher vibrational frequency of your life. Because otherwise you are just going to go in a circle. So you have to break the chain, break past the trauma, not be a victim all the time. You just have to go for it.
There are so many people who are stuck in a fucking loop, and I’ll be screaming, ‘this is your pattern, can you not see it!’ And they just don’t want to see it because they have become comfortable in their misery. They’re so set on failing that they don’t even want to try. I think that is the only real failure, not trying. Because even if you do try something and fail, there is such a valuable lesson there that you can apply to the next time. Eventually you’ll get there, so just give yourself a chance! But so many people are just so afraid and it makes me very frustrated – I have friends who I am very frustrated with, they don’t want to put themselves out there. People are so wrapped up in their own shit.
So your main advice is to learn how to be fearless.
Julia Fox: Be fearless, break through the trauma. Break the cycle. Break the loop.
Down The Drain is out now
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